Wondering exactly what to text her?
You’re not alone…
Many guys struggle with what to text a girl and how to communicate effectively with them!
Most guys really have no idea what to do after they get a number.
But in this day and age, it’s absolutely essential that they learn! Women simply won’t give a man the time of day when he doesn’t know what to say in a text message!
Just think about it. You really only have that first interaction with a woman, the time you actually get her number, to give her your best impression. After that, it’s all about the text game, so you really have to master what you say. Any bad slip up or mistake and your potential for a date will slip away forever . . .
And some other guy will take your place!
The following tips are the essentials for what to text a girl:
Use these tips wisely and you’ll notice women responding more favorably to you.
You’ll be getting her to say “Yes” to go on a date with you.
You’ll be getting her laughing and saying how great of a guy you are.
You’ll probably even get her to fall for you completely over text!
It happens all the time.
Trust me, when you figure out exactly how to do it, you’re going to LOVE texting!
Smiley Faces and LOLs
I’d like to start off with one of my most important and helpful texting tools . . . yes the smiley face!
When the question of what to text a girl comes up, smiley faces are good in my book. I like to use them here and there just to lighten things up with a woman. Some dating coaches wouldn’t recommend doing this, but I disagree. A proper smiley face can put more meaning to something you text. After all, when you send a text, you don’t really have the luxury of fully expressing yourself through voice tone and changes of body language the way you would in person. So sometimes, when you say something she might take as being serious through text, if you just throw in a smiley face at the end, it can completely change the mood of the text.
For example, if you want to tease a girl but not come across as being too serious, you can say something like “Julie! Where the hell have you been? It’s been forever since I’ve seen you :)” A text like this shows her that you’re inquiring about her and would like to know where she’s been lately. At the same time, though, you’re making a bit of a joke about her not being around, so it’s a good way to ask something semi-seriously while at the same time coming across as playful.
Compare a message like that to “Julie! Where the hell have you been? It’s been forever since I’ve seen you!” This message is a little too serious for a question like that. She’s so much more likely to reply to the first as opposed to the second, which is a little too pressing.
Using “lol” is a similar thing I like to do and recommend. It’s basically the same idea as the smiley face and can also be used to lighten the mood. A good “lol” placed in a text message shows a woman you’re making a joke. It’s not literally meant to mean that you’re “laughing out loud,” but it has transformed more into meaning that you’re joking or find something funny. (The same thing could be said for using “haha” as this is interchangeable with “lol.”)
To lighten the mood again for something that seems serious, you might say to a woman, “Yeah, I just got home from the gym. They had to kick me out because I started lifting up the side of the building lol.” Just saying something ridiculous like this could get a laugh out of her, and the placement of that “lol” at the end of the sentence clearly tells her you’re joking around as opposed to just being weird. Take that “lol” out of the sentence, and it really just comes across as strange. But when you keep it in, it shows that you’re just making a joke out of something boring.
This example is just that, an example. It’s so much easier to come up with your own as this has no context for a real conversation and would be useless if you tried to duplicate it. Just try to understand the usefulness of “lol” here and there. Like anything else, don’t overdo it. Putting “lol” into every sentence, or even every few sentences, makes you look like a half-assed, not-so-funny, would-be comedian!
Instead, use it rather sparingly and interchangeably with the smiley faces. Again, just here or there will do. Otherwise, you’ll come off as trying too hard to be funny and look weak.
Really before even thinking about what to text a girl, timing is perhaps the most import part of any good text game. Timing is the space in between texts that you and she take to reply back to each other’s messages. Most high-status or quality girls have a lot going on in their lives; therefore, they tend to be busy a lot of the time and tend to take longer to reply back to your texts. (It’s either this, or they just want to appear busy and will take their time in replying.)
This is okay. You’ll want to appear as if you’re high status and busy as well and take your time in replying to her, too. It’s the same thing as in person. You don’t want to appear too available as this makes you look needy.
So with that said . . .
How often should you text a girl?
If she takes, say, half an hour to reply back to your initial text, and you reply within a minute or two of her response, you come off as very needy. (You also come off as a bit creepy, like you were just staring at your phone like some kind of Fatal Attraction-type character, just waiting for her to answer you, and when she did, you answered her right away.)
I’m telling you right now that, if you do anything resembling this, you will totally creep the woman out. You’ve probably done this before already, thinking that if you didn’t reply to her fast enough, she might lose attraction for you or she might be upset with you because you take too long and that might ruin your chances with her. It’s so common in game.
Come on, admit it, you’ve done this before; everyone has. I’ve made this mistake millions of times. But now I know about timing. Now I take my time in responding to a woman, and by doing so, I create intrigue and interest as well as more attraction. It’s counter-intuitive, but it really works.
A simple rule is to take as long (if not longer) to reply to her texts as she takes to reply to yours. It’s not a rule that should be followed to a tee, but it should be loosely followed, and if done, should put you into an attraction-building position.
I say loosely followed here because you don’t want to always text her eleven minutes after she texts you if she usually takes about ten minutes to text you. If you develop a pattern of taking the same amount of time to text her every time you respond back, she’ll pick up on this and know that you are literally just waiting to text her. It’s nearly as bad as texting her right away.
So mix it up and make it appear more natural. If she is in a pattern of texting you every ten minutes or so, and you have seven texts between you, take 15 minutes, 20 minutes, 8 minutes, 10 minutes, 30 minutes, 5 minutes, 13 minutes.
These texts will make her want you more and more. They’re more of the natural timing texts between friends would be. At the same time, they build interest in you because you’re getting back to her as part of your normal day, unlike most guys who’d text her back right away. During this time, she’ll wonder what you’re doing, why you’re not like all those other guys she talks to, and why you aren’t texting her right away. It works great.
Time Between Texts
Take your time!
When figuring out what to text a girl it can be tough to take your time texting a woman, especially when you’re really interested in her, and it seems counter-intuitive to think that by waiting (and potentially making her upset) you’re actually making her more interested in you. But it works. If she flips the script and takes forever to get back to you, and you (like I do) get anxious waiting for her reply, just put down your phone and do something fun.
I used to frequently fall into the trap many people these days fall into, and that is that we keep our cell phones with us at all times. We become obsessed with checking our phones every couple of minutes, and we don’t take control of our lives. Instead, we let our cell phones control how we live!
You see it everywhere, from texting and driving to people out on dates, where one person is texting while the other is looking around, bored to death. For me, waiting to hear back from people I had texted made me very restless. I’d look at my phone every minute or so after I had texted a woman to see if she’d replied back yet.
I’d look at my message, make sure it had been sent and had actually gone through. Then I’d check that the phone wasn’t on silent and that the vibrator was on so that I’d know for sure when I did get that text back. And then, several minutes later, I’d go through this whole process again, after having checked my phone several more times and not seeing any new messages.
What I started to do was just put my phone on silent and leave it on my charger, upside down. This way, it would charge, it would be on, and I would get the text message. However, I wouldn’t check my phone on any regular basis; instead, I’d just leave it in my room and go and do something else. This got it out of sight and out of mind for me so that I could focus my time on something more fun or productive.
I’d shoot some hoops, work on business, eat food, work out, play pool, listen to music, write, watch a good television show, listen to a quick self-hypnosis session, or take a shower—anything I would have been doing if I weren’t busy texting! Any of these activities took my mind off what she might be thinking or doing, and I could actually be productive with my time.
I soon started setting aside periods of time throughout the day where I would just put my phone down for a couple of hours, whether or not I was in the midst of talking to a woman, just to give myself a rest from it. If someone called or texted me, I wouldn’t know, so I wouldn’t care. I’d simply check my phone later on for missed calls or messages, when I was ready to have it at hand again.
This was such a great stress relief from everything. I really enjoyed this break from having to worry about getting back to people and I still do it now. In fact, when I’m working, even writing this book, I don’t have my cell phone anywhere near me. And I am able to get so much more done.
A major mistake guys make nowadays when deciding how to text girls is spelling words as if they’re little kids. So many guys do this, and it’s such an obvious yet overlooked mistake. They think that because a text isn’t an official document or source of writing, they do not have to follow the correct grammar rules of the English language!
It’s sort of a bad trend, one that never really went away. I believe it may have come from a lot of teenagers, who made up the vast majority of texters when texting first became popular. Kids spelled words intentionally wrong on platforms such as MySpace, AIM Chat, AOL Messenger, and other social media means.
These habits carried over to text messaging, and as more and more adults started texting, some of them followed a lot of the same routines as the younger generation of texters had. They intentionally misspelled words, perhaps as a way of being cool or as a way of fitting into the social norm that was developed by the younger generation of texters. (This, of course, is all just a personal theory of mine; nonetheless, my hope is that this trend ultimately stops.)
Men wonder why women don’t respond back to texts like “hay hun how r u?” or “I kno it was kewl 2 meet u.” These texts just scream stupidity! They make the person sending them look like a complete idiot. No quality woman is going to respond back to a man who talks like a 12-year-old, barely literate boy!
It’s like going to a professional job interview dressed in a tank-top and gym shorts. You come across as totally beneath her and look like a complete fool. Instead, if you’re talking to an intelligent woman, mirror her intelligence. Show her that you’re just as smart as she is by spelling words correctly and speaking with a good level of sophistication. Don’t try to be pedantic, but be her equal. Speak like her intellectual equivalent. Spell all of your words correctly, and follow good English grammar laws.
On that note, however, you do want to sort of mirror her texting. If she has a certain way of writing and tends to not really care about spelling or punctuation, then it’s okay to slack a little bit on your end and do the same. Mirroring is pretty important in texting.
If you’re a professional writer, and English is her second language, your texts probably won’t click with hers too well. She might not even understand half the things you’re saying and could feel out of place trying to keep up.
Instead, you might lower the bar of text perfection a bit to communicate more effectively with her. If she’s more proficient in the English language than you are, raise the bar, and be as grammatically thorough as possible.
Minor things like punctuation are not as important as the spelling itself. If you’re trying to “speak” a certain way and you want to emphasize something, it’s okay to use three or four exclamation points. If she doesn’t use any punctuation at the end of her sentences, then you don’t really have to use it either. It’s not really a factor at all. At the end of the day, it really all comes down to the way she texts and the way you mirror that.
Keep Interest and Intrigue
After you’ve gotten a woman’s number, the game really just begins. When figuring out what to text a girl you must keep the same principles of attraction and good game in your text messages. Some guys think that, because they have the number, they can easily set up a date and then just end up sleeping with a woman, but it doesn’t work that way. You still have to use all of your other skills and keep her attracted to you, or she’ll completely lose interest and stop answering you and maybe even not show up.
Women are very emotional, and they have periods during which they’ll go up and down with their feelings, even about you. One minute they love you; the next minute they think you’re a loser. If you don’t keep her engaged and interested, you will lose her.
There are different ways of communicating your value through text. The timing and spelling are two ways to do it, but there are also other ways. For instance, you always want to appear as if you’re doing something. So instead of saying things like, “I am just bored, so I figured I’d give you a buzz,” say something like, “I just got home after a crazy and busy day at the office. So happy I finally got a minute to relax. What’s new with you?” Something like this tells a woman you’re a busy guy who works hard and has other priorities in his life. You’ve also asked her what’s new with her, which opens the door for a chat.
Another thing you could say is, “Hey, Julie, how are you? Haven’t talked to you in a while, been wicked busy lately, but I’m getting some time off this week and would love to hear from you!” Something like this shows her that you’re busy but again opens the door for her to message you. You always want to seem like you’ve been doing a lot of things but at the same time are messaging her because you’re getting some time off and would like to spend a bit of it with her.
Another quick point about keeping her interested has to do with texting her after you’ve set up a time to hang out together. Some guys (and I did this a lot when I first started getting good with game) will stop texting her after the date is set up. This is not a good move because, like everything else mentioned before, the woman loses interest. Her chances of flaking out go up astronomically when you do something like this. A simple text of “How’s your day going, sweetheart? I hope it’s as much fun as mine is today :)” will suffice in that time between the day you set up the date and the day of it.
You want to try to keep communicating with her a little bit just to make sure she still hears from you and feels that you’re not just another guy who wants to go on a date so he can get into her pants. Even a short quick text like the one above shows her that you’re interested in her outside of that date you’ve set up with her.
If she doesn’t show up, and you didn’t text her in the meantime, it’s most likely over anyway. However, if you’ve texted her a few times, not talking about the date, and she does end up flaking on you at the last minute, you’ll have built more comfort and communication with her, so setting up another day to hang out could still be easy.
On the day of the date, you want to shoot her a text, preferably early in the day and long before you’re going to meet up. This ensures you that it’s still on and tells her that you’re still in. She’s most likely doing the same thing that you are: waiting for that text so that you both know for sure that you’re both still in and not going to flake. By doing this, you almost guarantee a no-flake scenario between the two of you.
You can say something simple such as “Hey, what’s up Katie? Tonight’s going to be a blast! I can’t wait. I might be a minute or two late, but I’ll do my best :)”
This is perfect. It’s simple and right to the point. She knows that you’re still in, and you tell her casually that you might be a minute late, which is really nothing. But by saying this, she’ll definitely respond and let you know if she’s still in. (Which, if you’ve done everything else right, she will be.)
Say What You Would Say in Person
This is a seemingly obvious thing to me but so many dudes mess this up when first learning how to text girls.
So many guys say or act completely different through text than they do in person.
They either try to play this super cool guy, who they really aren’t in person, or they’ll say really over-the-top things, really ballsy things, pretending like they’re that kind of guy. In person, they’re as quiet as a mouse and would never dare repeat any of the things they talked about in text messages. Basically, they’ll talk a big game but in no way at all can they even pretend to back it up in person.
Doing something like this will absolutely blow your chances for success with women.
She’ll think she’s meeting a really cool, outgoing, and edgy guy, when in fact she’s really meeting a shy, quiet, down-to-earth one. There’s nothing wrong with being that second guy, but the fact that you portrayed yourself as someone else has just ruined it for you.
I’m not saying not to say edgy, funny, even risqué things through text—in fact, I encourage this. All I’m saying is keep it to the edgy, funny, and risqué things that actually come out of your mouth from time to time. Be willing to say those things again to her in person. It will work out great for you if you can develop a game where you can say gutsy statements through text and then back them up in person.
What to Text A Girl For That First Time
Really, before you even think about what to text a girl, you should make sure she absolutely gets your number!
Texting her right when you get her number is definitely the best way to make sure that she gave you the correct one. It also gets a message screen of your text popping up on her phone. When she gets this new text-message box, she’ll presumably add your name so that she knows who has texted her. This familiarizes you even more to her and sets up your future texts. She’s more likely to respond to the texts thereafter.
After sending her an initial text with something like “Hey, its Justin Stenstrom,” (you always want to give her your name, usually the full name) you can send her a text, maybe a few minutes later, or when you get back home, whenever that may be.
Presumably, you’ll text her within a few hours as you really don’t want to wait too long here. Even if she didn’t respond to your first text with your name in it (because that was just your way of giving your number to her and familiarizes you more), you want to say something like, “Hey Katie, it was great to meet you today, can’t wait to grab a drink with you soon :)” Or, “Hey sweetheart, I had fun meeting you today, soooo can’t wait to go rollerblading tomorrow!”
And yes, emphasis of a word by adding a few letters is another good thing to do from time to time. Again, you can’t use your own voice to put extra meaning on things, so doing something like this often does the trick. It’s a great way of telling her that you really can’t wait and that you’re excited about meeting up again.
Messages like the ones above are great initial ones after you get her number. They let her know that you’re happy to have met her and are excited to see her again. They also open the door for the planning of the next meet-up.
Texting Her to Meet Up
Texting her to meet up with you is pretty straightforward. You want to initiate a conversation before just asking if she wants to hang out with you. You want to text her, get a couple of texts going back and forth, and then text her about meeting up. For the first text with a girl, you want whenever possible to bring back what’s known in the dating world as “callback humor.”
Callback humor is talking about something you two discussed that was either funny or interesting. If it was something funny, you’d text her about whatever it was that made you laugh. Any type of text would work. All you’re really doing is bringing up the good emotions that were released with whatever that subject was that caused the humor, thus making her recall a pleasant memory and associating that memory with you.
This is known in NLP as “anchoring.” If it was something interesting that you two connected on, and you want to bring up those emotions of being connected with her, it’s still the same idea. You’ll be summoning a good memory in her mind and thus anchoring that good feeling to you again when you bring it back up in your text.
After getting a quick conversation going, you then want to see what time she might be available during the week so that you can figure out a time to get together. The best way I’ve found to do this, without coming across as weak, is to say something like, “Hey, I’m a little busy today and tomorrow, but I have a few days off after that, so I’m sure we can figure out a day to get together.” Or maybe this: “Yeah, I am booked during the weekend, but I have the next few days off. What’s your schedule like? I’m thinking we get together ASAP :)”
Both of these examples show her that you have other plans and other things on your plate. They put more value on your time and make her want to spend some of hers with you. They also give you a good idea about what her schedule is like and when she will be available to hang out. From there, you can just pick one of the days she’s free and set up a time, place, and activity.
What to Text A Girl When She Doesn’t Text You Back
There are a few techniques that can be used if a woman does not text back. First, however, I would like to mention the fact that a woman who doesn’t text back is not necessarily rejecting you or your approach in any way. She might have any number of reasons why she just doesn’t feel like talking to you right now.
Even if she thought you were completely amazing, she still may not feel like answering you or replying to your text. It happens to the best of us. What you do not want to do is send her text after text after text, thinking that she’ll have a change of heart and text you back. She might have a change of heart, but it will only be a change in any attraction that she ever had for you. That will now be completely gone.
If you text her more than two unanswered texts in a row, you seriously risk blowing it completely. Instead, if she doesn’t answer the first text, you’re allowed one more text (maybe an hour or a two later), and I will show you what this text should say in a moment.
However, if she doesn’t answer either of these texts, drop your efforts, keep some dignity for the time being, and put her number in the “will try again some other time” bin.
That’s right, don’t toss it out completely. Like I said, she might just be under the weather, having a bad day, still getting over a recent break-up, or be completely stressed and busy with work. Stop your attempts for maybe a week or two and then retry again. A lot of the time this reattempt works perfectly and you can pick-up right where you left off.
The first thing I will do if she does not answer my text, and I know (just by the way she was texting me before) that she definitely received it by now, is send a text like this, “K sounds good lol” or even one like this, “All right hun that sounds Awesome lol.” Both of these make light of the fact that she didn’t answer you. They are short and sweet. They do not blow it out of proportion that she ignored you. Instead, they make a joke out of it, and they usually work to get a response.
Oftentimes, when a woman sees a text like this, she’ll most likely laugh and just answer your text from earlier. Or, she might actually apologize for not answering the first text and explain why she didn’t. Either way, you’ll be communicating with her again.
Another technique you can use if she doesn’t answer the two texts you’ve most likely sent her is to do what they used to do in the olden days—call her! Yes, you heard me correctly. Just pick up your phone, dial her number, and press the little green PHONE icon once. Call her, for Christ’s sake! This should most likely be done approximately a week or two later, after she did not reply back to your two texts.
Unless of course you’re supposed to be meeting up with her on said day, and she’s ignoring your texts. If this is the case, then by all means blow up her phone and make sure that she is still planning to hang out with you. If she blows you off then and does not apologize later that day or even the next (give her 24 hours to come up with the greatest sob story and excuse of all time!), then DELETE her number and delete her as a potential lover. She’s not worth your time and energy. Move on to someone else who is.
The call you make, after the unanswered texts, really isn’t a call made to be answered. I’d say 9 times out of 10 she won’t answer the phone at that point. However, it is meant as a way for you to leave a great and exciting voice mail that tries to get you back in her favor.
A great voice mail can really be like a phoenix in your dating efforts with her. It can basically be a rebirth to a potential lost cause that was beginning to play itself out. Unlike a text, a great voice mail has the intricacies of your voice, your tone, and your enthusiasm, and it can literally be a perfect call to action for her.
So summon your coolest, manliest voice, and dial the phone. Don’t have a fake voice, but have your best one ready when you hear that beep and leave your message, something along the lines of, “Hey, Ashley, I’ve been really busy the last week or so. I’ve been jammed with work and everything else. I’m finally going to have some time off soon! I figured I’d drop you a line and see how you were doing. Talk to you soon. Bye!”
A voice mail like this is pretty effective in a last-resort situation. It’s laid back, not too eager to get her response, but at the same time it says that you would definitely like to hear from her and even meet up. Oftentimes, a cool, nonchalant but interesting message like the one above will do the trick in getting her to message you again.
What to Text A Girl If You Want to Challenge Her
The last technique I teach students is to use a text message that challenges her to hang out with you.
This can be done if she has canceled plans or just doesn’t seem to want to make any real plans with you. It can also be used instead of the voice mail a few weeks after the non-reply on the two texts you sent her. It can even be used a few weeks after the voice mail, which is a few more weeks after the non-answer of texts. If she doesn’t answer this, it’s over.
Just call it a day and move on to someone else. At that point, you’ve used all the techniques that are really effective, but she just doesn’t want anything to do with you. (Again, it may not even be you.) You have to move on for your sake and for hers. You do not want to be some kind of nutty stalker. Nobody likes nutty stalkers.
This last text technique has really worked well in the past for me and for my students. Basically, you want to qualify her and call her out in a funny way for not wanting to hang out with you. You can say something like, “What’s up sweetheart? Are you going to hang out this week, or are you going to keep being a Diddler?” Now, before you laugh and say, what a ridiculous thing to say, hear me out.
A line like this is actually really effective and a lot more intricate than you might think. For one, it challenges the woman in question who’s been ignoring you, to hang out with you and not be a “diddler” like you’re suggesting she is. It also qualifies her, which is huge in game, and makes her want to hang out with you just to prove to you that she’s not what you’re calling her.
Another important thing a text like this does is to make you seem like the one in control, not her. You show her that you’re strong enough to say something as challenging as this, stand by it, and put the ball back in her court to react to it. Finally, a text like this will most likely make her laugh. When she reads it and sees what an outlandish statement it is, she’ll probably laugh a little. It’s a funny line, and one she probably wouldn’t get too often from guys. (If she’s more of an uptight woman, go ahead and throw a “smiley face” or a “lol” at the end of it. You can also interchange the word “diddler” with any other noun of your liking—anything that you feel would be funny and challenging at the same time. I like this particular word because it really isn’t all that offending and blatantly comes across as a joke rather than something a little harsher that she might take the wrong way.)
Use these various tips and tricks wisely.
Obviously some of them may not be one hundred percent applicable to your current situation.
But if you understand the purpose for each technique and why it works, you’ll have a much better grasp on what to text a girl and how to really master your texting.
And yes, your dating life WILL improve when you get this text thing down . . .
More dates, more compliments, and more women falling for you!
Who in their right mind wouldn’t want to learn this incredible skill!?
If you want to learn more about what to text a girl and how to master your dating life, sign up for my email newsletter now.
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P.S. If you have any other suggestions or things you use/say when texting girls, please share them below!
Dillon Bigler says
One thing I think should always be incorporated is a pic so they get a visual of what you’re doing
Richard Polite says
Honestly man, this is one of the best guides I’ve had the pleasure of reading. You deserve the bro prize of the decade for this! Texting is so damn complicated for me. You’re erudite in the game my friend.
Justin Stenstrom says
This is a great guide. What I also started doing was having a female friend help me with texting a girl I was seeing. It definitely helps, but this is a good guide to save for reference. Thanks Justin!
Justin Stenstrom says
No problem Chris. Glad it helped!
Just make decisions the same way as her…things will get better when they learn to be realistic.
Really, Women get way way to much attention and have way way to much access to easy sex.
Dibakar Bala says
Wondering how important it has become to text a girl and get her attention 😉
Feels like I was living in some other world till now
Thanks for this. Im always looking for ways to improve my text game. This has helped massively. Much appreciated.
Justin Stenstrom says
Lewisa coy says
Thanks alot yu help me
Okay I try this when I get a girl number this better works.
Last time I screw up. After I read this magazine I missed every single one of these importan things.Thank you!
Good Luck Guys!! says
This article is pretty good, but as a woman, I have some thoughts on two pieces of the advice given, so I thought I’d share in hopes it may be helpful.
Referring to someone you just met as “hun/sweetheart” seems borderline creepy to me. It’s too superficial. If I received this reference towards me in a text before even a second date, I would not answer, or if I answered I’d let the guy know “thanks but no thanks”. Perhaps that’s just me. Instead, in the first text you can just refer to me by my name. Subsequently, you don’t really need to address me directly, just say “Hey” then continue on with your text. After a couple of successful dates (meaning you were both smiling and/or laughing at times, and both seemed to enjoy the dates) the nicknames and cute references like “sweetheart” will feel more natural and fitting.
The second thing I noticed is in reference to these suggested messages:
“Hey Katie, it was great to meet you today, can’t wait to grab a drink with you soon :)”
“Hey sweetheart, I had fun meeting you today, soooo can’t wait to go rollerblading tomorrow!”
The first message is boring and typical and doesn’t stand out (if you want to stand out I wouldn’t go with this). The second message, aside from the issue with “sweetheart”, is too wordy for saying very little. You don’t need to say it was nice meeting her…if you’re showing interest she already knows that you think this.
Instead of the first message, perhaps make a reference to your first meeting. Maybe something like “Those whiskey sours at the bar were so good, weren’t they? Looking forward to having drinks soon” – that is if you both happened to be drinking whiskey sours when you met, but the point is to make a reference to where you met/something you were doing in common, but make it brief…you don’t want to go too into details and come across as stalkerish!
For the second one, I’d shorten this to say something more like “Soooo….rollerblading tomorrow! Can’t wait!”, or maybe “Rollerblading is going to be hilarious, I haven’t gone in years! Looking forward”. These revised messages say the same thing as the suggested ones in the article, but are without the drab words that add nothing.
Otherwise, this article provides solid advice! 🙂
Relax and be confident with yourself…this is soooo key!!
Good luck guys!!
This is very helpful to see a woman’s perspective. You should write an article about this yourself 🙂 Thanks
Need some advice from the ladies…
Met a charming woman from South America who speaks English very well. However, her writing skills are not the best. She’s long in replying, and I can tell her texts are awkward. We get along great in person. But I don’t seem to get a quick response from her through texting.
1. Is this normal?
2. What’s the best way to handle it?
I would say that yes, it’s likely normal considering you pointed out that even though she is fluent in English, she isn’t well written. Perhaps she realizes this about herself and texting is a source of insecurity for her. If that is the case, I can assure you that she is spending more time analyzing her OWN behavior and response than she is thinking about how much time has passed since she responded. Secondly, how do you handle it? You don’t. Be patient with her. She’ll respond when she can. If you feel texting is really getting in the way of healthy communication, you do have her phone number and she indeed has a phone – pick it up and call her. A lot easier and much less confusing for everyone involved.
Pete McMeat says
Women are so f#@$ing complicated. If they didnt have vaginas, it would be a total waste of time.
If women are this hard to communicate with, and it requires a “concise” 5 page article on how to text a girl.. I choose rather to not waste my time. Anyone worth being with shouldn’t require This Much Damn Effort and Work. F*$&#ing ridiculous. Just go MGTOW
Justin Stenstrom says
It’s part of the game. Life isn’t perfect, neither are women. You can complain about how it is, or you can learn about it, and get good at it.
You said it man. It is unfair to men as women get way too much leeway in the dating process.
Learning about the game and mastering it is how you close the gap.
PS: Hitch was a legendary movie although some might find it too crass.
Short life says
fantastic put up, very informative. I wonder why the other experts of this sector don’t notice
this. You must continue your writing. I’m sure, you have a great readers’ base
Dana Woodard says
HI Justin that was a great article. most say all this stuff leading up to things and never giver the answer, you tell it all. so i know Online Dating is a bit different. and a hole other monster. but how does this apply to Online and how do you go about Online? i see you mention the longer you wait to get back to her the better it is for you. one time i did what you said and i was in the middle of typing A Woman trying to get that sent off. it said A Woman wants to Chat that i was trying to connect with then 15 minutes later or so she views me. when i finally went to her profile she was gone. she closed her account or deactivated it. it seems some Woman want you to reply right away.. i know every Woman is different. so how do you go about this and get great results? i have A Woman i’m connecting with..
Dana Woodard says
HI Justin i’m new to seeing your stuff. i agree with you but i tried some things you’ve said that i tried for Online Dating.and nothing happens! i get NO response. Women only View me. i found something that had a affect. if a Woman removes her photo and it’s just a silhouette i say Sorry was it something i said? Holds*Head in Shame Lol* and the photo pops up or i say i see you looked at my profile and didn’t respond, was it my Brad Pitt looks or was it my soulful eye’s and this Woman was in my Inbox with the Heart showing love. i get NO responses but if i say the one about Brad Pitt that seems to have a affect. what is it that get’s A Woman to respond, on a Dating Site? i do a lot of research on what get’s A response. i see some good tips but the Women don’t respond, i like what you wrote. it seems that what Advice is being given does not work. or only so far. any Advice for a positive, outcome. i look forward to your message. Sincerely Dana!
Thanks so much for this post! This is the most helpful information for me to use at work! I have just started 4 months as a chat representative for cell company and I’ve been having issues with a long chat time, and I think this article will help me keep my chats clear, focused and efficient!
What in the case when it is a long time kind of a friend, and you sent her a long well composed letter in email, in a nice manner but dealing with the relationship between the two of you- so kind of a “though” issue for a guy, and you kindly asked the person to take her time thinking, but you definitely expect a reply/reaction. She did not reply in over 2 weeks, and she has a history of trying to avoid confrontation esp on emotional matters, however the contact was generally nice, and on practical issues she always replied messages?
I know the reply might not be easy for her, but I feel dissapointed as I thought she cared more not to ignore such a thing. How desperate would be texting her to ask if she has received the mail?
Alica Schwarz says
I have to tell you some things about the article you wrote – to you and all men, who are reading this. I HAVE to in honor of all women.
I am sorry for insane length of this post but your article is very long, too (and I have read it) – so what can I do?
I am a female German native speaker so don’t be distressed, please, if my English may appear poor to you and of course there might be cultural differences as well.
I see you are a life coach so I am sure you do have your experiences and professional background, but still, sorry, you are a man! So I want to give you some insights of how women really think.
I want to tell you where I do agree and where I don’t. You have certainly hit some good points and have found nice arguments for many of your suggestions but I really have also to make some things clear that are just not true in my opinion or don’t work the way you think.
Sorry guys – take a Lady’s perspective now, please.
First fact to understand: Who are you and whom are you talking to?
Your are 18 and want to lose your virginity? You are 24 and want to have just a good time? Are 28 and looking for a future wife? Or are you 18 and looking for a wife? (You got my point.)
You have to understand whom you want to address and why. If you find a real lady she does not want to play games, I assure you. Generally women hate playing games. We don’t want men to fake, to use tricks, to wait a little longer to respond because you think that we think that you think (…you see? This is mental masturbation, it might work but is does not work with grown ups or people with guts, so better forget it. When a man thinks “A” usually a women in the same time thinks “ABC446gSIEHFNI&%ß…” so please be kind and don’t drive us insane with games. Thank you).
What about this strategy: Be natural. Follow your instinct. If I text a guy and he does not respond fastly a couple of times I start not to respond fastly either as an act of revenge. This is odd but still true. So be available in the beginning (we don’t think you are creepy! We love it!) and if we are not responsive then (and only then) slow down. But don’t come up with patterns and rules – it really does not make sense, sorry. It is a very typical male thinking approach. Women’s brains don’t work like that – at least if they are > 15 years. If you want to play cards of brain usage and stereotypes and giving general gender according advise then man are rational and women are emotional. So no patterns for us. It’s true: mind the dosage – don’t stalk her. But if she is available be yourself.
Now to your Points:
1. Smiley faces.
Convincing examples, too. Personally I don’t see why people don’t use Emojis more often – it’s gratis, it’s beautiful: Smiles. Flowers. Colors. – Girls love it.
The whole timing thing does not work out in my opinion as stated above, sorry.
Here comes the good news: If we like a guy in the beginning there is no “too much” or “too early” and not even a real “wrong”. If she is not interested you can create patterns, wait, don’t wait. It will be quiet hard to keep her at it – be realistic, search new projects.
A timing thing however, that I do consider important is the time of the day. Are you texting early in the morning/late at night? It means she is the first thought of your day or you think of her when you are in bed. Do you want to communicate this? (It may depend on what you are looking for.)
Example: When someone that I consider “just a friend” texts me after 10 P.M. I easily get distressed because I think he lays in bed and thinks about me (which is also true, when he does it, right) so careful about the time of the day!
I do absolutely agree!
Very good point. I’d even add that “how r u, I want 2 meet u” does not vex me because I think it’s a childish way but because the guy shows me I am not worth for him to take the time to write “you”. I admit it’s creepy but generally if someone who is not a real friend writes to me at the end of a text LG instead on “Liebe Grüße” (German for kind regard) I think this person is lazy and does not really care about me (and each time I wonder: why do I think this? But I do!).
4. Keep Interest and Intrigue
I do agree partly.
Men seem to think they have to be interesting and cool all the time. This is defiantly not true. Of course we want a man, who is interesting and cool – cool with the others, not with us! Have you ever wondered why in fairy-tales princes have to do all the stuff like fighting dragons to get to a princess? Because she is worth it! So if right from the start you show us, we are not worth a thing, then where’s the point of getting to know you? Sorry, but you will never get a really cool girl-friend like that, but just some poor girl with no self-esteem. Again: what are you looking for? A desperate girl or a partner?
Most girls are romantic and old-fashioned, that’s why texting before the date is a brilliant idea! Very good.
Always saying “I was so busy but found that minute now to write to you” – personally scares me off. It’s snobbish. It makes me think: “Well we are in the hot phase – and the guy does not really make me feel like I am sooo important: first work, second gym, third friends – I can imagine where this will lead to and how I will feel like in a couple of months…not good.
Imagine you are running a race – if you don’t speed up at the beginning, when did you plan to speed up? When it’s over?
Instead of trying to be intriguing I’d suggest to be ingenious.
I know the coming up is a killer argument for every sane and romantic action developing between a man and a woman but if you really want to understand a woman you have to keep in mind biology. While a man basically wants to get his “Seeds” (let’s say nicely <3) into the world out there a women biologically spoken (and we are all slaves to our hormones) is looking for a guy who is a good hunter (mammoth no other girls), who feeds her, takes care of her and her future children (sorry guys but this is the original basic reason why people have sex) – I know stone age has passed (has it really?). Well, take this as an inspiration only, please.
5. Say What You Would Say in Person
I do agree.
We like authenticity, honesty, phantasy as well. Be yourselves.
6. What to Text A Girl For That First Time
Agree, but leave of the sweetheart thing. It’s too pushy for most of us, I guess.
Instead when you exchange numbers, call her right away in front of her. It’s easier. (I know this article is about texting, but seriously why do you want to text all the time, unless you are chatting on some platform without having her number?)
I’d recommend not to wait to long to text the first time, either. Generally there is also nothing wrong about picking up the phone and just call! Seriously. We like guys with guts, texting all the time is – sorry – girlish – and this article shows you are over-strained with it ???? – as first mover you chose your terrain, move where you feel comfortable. Be present, be there, show up, expose, we like to hear your voices.
If a guy told me he’d prefer to talk on the phone since he considers texting a little stupid or arguing that it creates senseless doubts and misunderstandings or just because I have such a beautiful voice that he was looking so forward to hearing again, I’d say: what a cool and NICE guy. Wow!
If you call, just make sure to ask her, if it is a good moment and if she can talk.
What I would give as advice also is to be decisive. Most girls like strong men. Not in the sense of too dominant but just self-confident and determent. Say what you want, what you expect and wish and it is more likely to happen.
A man saying “I really would like to see you” is much better than “Do you maybe think you will find the time to see me again soon because I would really like to meet you again?” – when we read the second you lose us at “maybe”. But you have made that point, so I do agree on that of course.
7. What to Text A Girl When She Doesn’t Text You Back
I consider this part the masterpiece of this advice list and I perfectly agree.
My only remark: I’d personally not wish to hear that he is soooo busy and has been too busy to call me before (see above – oh, this might be the reason why I have not answered your texts ????) but I understand the intention to be not romantic but “laid back”, if I’d walk in your shoes. But from a girl’s perspective: you want to be laid back… why again? Because you feel like an idiot if she says no? And then you can say “Oh I really was not interested and just called because I was bored”. (?) No, really I personally don’t get it. From my experience guys who really dare, expose and are courageous are always appreciated more than these “cool/busy guys” (girls know instinctively if you are REALLY busy or just making it up to seem more interesting ???? – trust me on this, we have to care for babies – instinct is our job). So don’t be afraid, after all men want sex, OK got it, but girls want sex, too – so what’s the point. It’s OK to ask a date. If she says no she is not worth it since she does not SEE you – another girl will, don’t worry.
But as this is the point where she did not get back to you and you decided to call (good decision, he gets a courage point). So what about this: Come up (instead of saying that you have been so busy) with a plan. (Think of the mammoth theory) – We LOVE men with plans. You could suggest to do some cool cultural or sportive or whatever thing, maybe you say you have tickets for something and would love to go with her. I think you make yourself more interesting like this. Theater, a cool party, indoor-climbing, black light Mini-Golf…whatever. (If you have talked to her you might have understood if she is sportive or culturally interested.) Generally girls don’t want to date “idiots” (whatever this means as a definition) so if you suggest to go to a museum (there are cool museums as well) or to some event like a vernissage or photographic exhibition she might think: “Uh, he has interesting hobbies and he wants to share this with me" (on top you will have this unforgettable first date and lots of stuff to talk about automatically – just don’t play paintball with her or other aggressive stuff – and if you do at least don’t laugh if you hit her).
8. What to Text A Girl If You Want to Challenge Her
This might work out, though I was not able to understand what a Diddler is, since the translation does not make sense. Is it coward or something?
Of course I cannot speak for all women, but I see very often man, who are very… unspecific in the first approach. They like a girl, then they like her friend… they are flexible in the first state, unless they start to develop deeper sentiments.
You have to understand that women are not like this. Women check you out and know usually after 10 minutes (most of the time it takes much less, though) if you interest her or not. If yes, it will be easy for you. If not of course you can awoke her interest (again) – but basically if she did not react/text back it means: (1) she likes you but it is a bad moment (2) she thinks you are not what she wants/needs (right now). So IF you manage to get into the game AGAIN by using a trick or so-called technique, be aware that you must pull out of the hut more than one joke or some semi-offensive provocation. It is true: when a guy is not very attractive for a girl he can still go anywhere with the right mindset. Girls are mental. So generally provocation might work but you are on a stony road there – be prepared.
Conclusion: Text less and good luck!
Justin Stenstrom says
Thanks for the feedback. Cool to hear your perspective and although I disagree with your counterpoints, although to some extent you say some very good things, I do respect it. Thank you for taking the time and sharing your thoughts. I’ll let other men see your take and decide for themselves. Much respect.
Smart article.. Thanks. But I think if you like each other there is no rules how to act..
Ice king says
thanks for this post…
it just works like gangbuster
tell you what…guess people need to mix it with little bit fractionation during their text and implement “implemented commands” it will just sky rocket your result
yours ice king
John Shifu says
Well written article. Some tips:
– If you are just starting out then get to know about the girl, but don’t get too personal unless she shows the same interest.
– If you are flirting don’t over do it.
– Get to know about her interests, hobbies, etc
– Take you time to understand the meaning of the text before replying.
– Don’t text when you are drunk.
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Justin Stenstrom says
Nice article.. especially for this younger generation, They have to read this blog.. I m a private tutor. i have shared this with my students.
thank you so much
Always make sure you don’t text like a creep when there is no response. Give her time to reply and text only when you are replied 🙂