The following is a guest contribution by Claudia Cox from TextWeapon.com.
Finding a “Nice Guy” is every girl’s dream: a man that’s attentive, appreciative and kind – the most sought after qualities. But when it comes to texting, these very attributes can be off-putting. Nice Guys, it seems, keep on repeating the same old texting mistakes that leave them sidelined, friend-zoned, and all together out in the cold. If you’re a Nice Guy and want to change your texting tone to get THAT girl, read on to find out about the texting mistakes that you’re probably unintentionally making, and how to avoid them.
Whoever coined the term, “Nice guys finish last”, has clearly never met a legitimate Nice Guy. While it’s true that girls have a bad rep for sidelining, friend zoning, and altogether ignoring the “Nice Guy”, the man who is truly kind, patient, and respectful – and who also knows how to “play the game” – will always come out on top.
The problem is, Nice Guys think that “playing the game” is only for jerks, and try to avoid it altogether. This might have been fine back in the day when you could walk up to a girl, tell her she’s beautiful and ride off into the sunset together – but today’s “courtship” dance is much more complex, and you gotta’ have the right moves via screen-to-screen, as well as face-to-face.
When it comes to texting, you Nice Guys have a lot to learn: too anxious to please, too quick to reply, too ready to compliment – that’s the feedback I get from my girlfriends who are trying to capture that elusive “Nice Guy”, but keep coming up against certain road blocks.
It sounds counter-intuitive, but being too nice over text might just be the thing that’s letting you down. Here are five of the most common mistakes that Nice Guys make when texting, and how you can change your texting style today.
Mistake #1: Messing up compliments
While it’s true that everyone likes to be told they are gorgeous, smart, funny, etc. They want to feel that the praise is genuine.
Going around dropping general compliment bombs, like it’s nobody’s business, makes girls uneasy.
If you’re a chick, and you receive this text: “Hey there gorgeous ;)”, from a guy you’ve just met, you will think one of three things: he’s a PLAYER, he’s forgotten my name already, or he’s really smitten.
Bad . . . bad . . . and awful!
But what if you are dying to compliment her? Just say, if her laugh really was cute, or her smile pretty? Tell her, but be specific. For example, “I’m still laughing about your hotel story . . . and thinking about your cute laugh”. This type of compliment has a much better chance of making a mark than: “Hey there gorgeous”.
Mistake #2: Trying to be That Cool Guy
Somewhere along the way, Nice Guys got a misinformed memo that playing the “cool and disinterested card” was the only way to get a girl.
Sticking to the 3 day rule for calling, not replying to messages, never showing any emotion in their texts – trust me, this is the worst thing you can do. Girls already get enough of this from mean guys, so we don’t want it from you!
If you were charming in person and then sarcastic or aloof via text, she won’t get a “thrill” from the chase. She’ll just think you’re fake and lose interest.
So what should you do instead?
Let her know you’re into her, but don’t go over the top with it. Be polite, creative, light– and always text back. Show that you respect her time and feelings, and you will be on the right track.
Mistake #3: “Instant” Messaging
Everyone likes (and deserves) an answer: but this doesn’t mean they will drop dead if they don’t receive a text within 5 seconds flat.
If you text back right away you might make it obvious that you’re interested, but it also makes it obvious that you’re waiting by the phone for her next text, which most girls will find a bit weird and unattractive.
When you receive a text, leave it for a while. Finish your coffee, read to the end of the page, or even go to the gym. This will build anticipation as she waits for your reply, and it will also probably give you something more interesting to write about.
But don’t push it. No one likes the next-day-texter!
Mistake #4: Texting Right into the “Friend zone”
I hate the term “friend zone”, because I truly believe that all good relationships are built on strong, pure friendship. However, having said that, I also believe that being overly friendly too early on can spell death for future romance.
Nice Guys often make the mistake of being friend-zoned because they make too much of an effort to have friendly conversations and not enough effort to be flirty and fun, especially over text.
How do you avoid this pitfall? Before hitting “send”, take a moment and ask yourself: “Would I send this text to a girl FRIEND?” If the answer is yes, then you might want to spice it up. Sending a text in the afternoon to ask about her coffee date with her girlfriends is friendly. But sending a text asking if they gossiped about how cute you are is a much better way to stay out of the “zone”.
Mistake #5: Being Too Accommodating
So you’ve texted her about going out this Friday night, but she is having dinner with her friends. A typical Nice Guy text response would probably be: “What about Saturday then? Or I could shift my Sunday night plans? Maybe breakfast Monday morning?”
It’s fantastic that you’re so obviously into her, but it also seems a bit needy. If she can’t make the suggested date, let her come up with an alternative – and if you do have to shift plans to fit her in, DON’T let her know. She’ll start to think that you’re too easily manipulated and don’t stick to plans.
Wait for her to suggest another time, and agree with the perfect mixture of excitement and nonchalance – it’ll work every time!
Keeping these five Nice Guy texting mistakes in check will build loads of attraction. Catching and keeping a girl’s interest via text isn’t about sending raunchy photos, fifteen smiley face emoticons, or playing hard to get. It all comes down to showing your confidence, personality, and the fact that you’re a Nice Guy while focusing on playful, non-generic “I love getting to know you” communication with her. Nice Guys do finish first . . . even in texting!
Claudia Cox is the creator of Text Weapon, and the author of French
Seduction Made Easy. She is passionate about modern communication and
loves helping people improve their relationships through creative
texting. To read more by Claudia, visit textweapon.com. Don’t forget
to signup for the FREE Texting Club trial with over 300 messages. You
can also hit her up on Twitter.
okay so the last scenario happen to me and I told her to let me know when she’s free. That was 4 days ago but she also knows I returned home due to a death in my family. Should I text her and ask about her week or don’t text at all and wait to see if she does come back with an idea?
Landon starr says
Text her dood, but when u do compliment the little things, and don’t just say some random ass bullshit nobody cares about. For Example today I was texting this girl and ended up complimenting her nails, she said that she’s never had a guy compliment her nails before but she LIKED IT. That my friend is an example on how to notice the little things. But if u want to just start a regular convo make a joke out of her not responding to u…. like for example u could say something about her not replying to u like “ sounds good lol “ and then put an emoji like this ????????. Just something to clarify that u didn’t put too much thought into the text and your not too worried about it.
So, I went out with this girl, it went well. We didn’t talk got 2 days and she then texts me we should go hiking soon again.
The next she telling me about her day and ect.
Then I made a comment about her booty game. Planned a hike with her. All good. But then she sent some pictures of her puppy. I responded “he looks chill, I gotta meet him” she left me on read.. Then I snapped her a video of my dog being a goof in the morning. It’s been 5 days she left it on read. Did I fuck it up?
Justin Stenstrom says
Kind of but there’s still a chance. Check out this other article. I think it may help.
The thing is we have planned to chill later this week. I was going to wait to bring up the day before.
Hi, So I just wanted to add I am a current recipient of these nice guy texts and it is not fun. You feel bad if you aren’t as accommodating, nice, or flirty with them . Girls like to be chased, but they also like to do their fair share of the chasing so that they feel like you are their choice and not just something they are being swept into. I really like this guy, but I just cant so the awkward flirty texts anymore and I don’t really know what to do about it.