Attention All Needy Men!
Needy men and friends of all varying confidence levels, pay attention . . .
I have a friend who is probably one of the coolest, most loyal and trustworthy guys I’ve ever met. He is my age, and I went to school with him. Like I said a great guy, and definitely a catch for a lot of quality women. He’s got a lot of different talents and a lot of different natural gifts. He is really just one of those intriguing people, who sort of sticks out, and is different from others, but this makes him that much more appealing. He can make people laugh naturally, without really trying, and at the same time be very easy going, once you get to know him.
So with all that said, he tends to not be too great with women. For some reason or another, he lets women walk all over him. I have told him this for years and years, but he is just dead set on some of his ways. Oh yeah, there is one more quality, both good and bad that my friend also possesses…he happens to be the most stubborn person I have ever met!
The main problem I see when he interacts with women is that he just acts too nice to them right off the bat. What’s wrong with being nice to women? Absolutely nothing. In fact I wholeheartedly recommend being as nice as possible to all women. And treat all women with the utmost respect. But there is a line, and it is possible to cross it, and become too nice. Being too nice at first immediately comes off as needy. You need her approval. You need her to like you. You need her to give you her number. Overly nice equals needy!
The main reason why being overly nice at first does not bode well when trying to meet quality women, is that you are not being genuine. By doing everything a woman asks you to do, and being by her beck and call, you are not being nice, but fake. You are trying too hard to get her to like you, and she can sense this.
Why would a stranger, or a guy who she just met be so nice, and offer to do so many things for her, she asks herself? What does he want from me? Why is he trying so hard to impress me? All of these questions go through her head. And rightly so, all of these questions should be going through her head. You do not know her, so why are you being overly nice to her? You are trying to win her over, thinking this is the best way to do so, but it’s not. The worst part is, she knows it, and it’s not going to work. She can sense that you’re a needy man from a mile away!
In fact it is very easy for many men to make this mistake. I see it all the time and it is perhaps the hardest thing to overcome in the dating world. I know that he tried to not be so nice for a little while, but it back-fired on him, and he was being too mean to girls right off the bat, which is even worse than being nice. He came off looking like a jerk to a lot of girls, and so he reverted to his old ways. This is a hard concept to get down, and it takes practice, but I assure you that the answer is not going back and being too nice, and being a doormat. There is a true and honest balance that you must find within yourself. You have to be true with yourself: not too nice and trying to constantly please her, but also not too tough and coming off looking like a jerk. Find a happy medium where you can be your true self and become a real gentleman.
Needy Men Listen Up!
So I’ve known my close friend now for a number of years, and as I’ve said he is a really great person, but just so happens to be very hard-headed as well. He, just like a lot of needy men, has grown up a certain way, under certain values for so many more years than I have known him. He has been raised with certain beliefs whether through pop culture, television, movies, or even his family, on how to treat women. He has that image in his head, of the typical male movie character, romantically seducing a woman, and being nice to her, and making her magically fall in love with him through his kindness. He’s been raised to believe that you have to treat any women, whom you’ve just met and have attraction to, like you treat your mother, and always agree with what she says, and never say anything that contradicts her.
He believes that by being nice, and buying her things, and taking her to fancy restaurants, and giving up all his time and energy for her, and doing whatever she decides she wants to do, that the girl will fall in love with him. He truly believes that he has to give a girl everything he’s got (money, time, resources, desires, beliefs, and opinions) in order to have the girl like him. This is his sole issue.
My friend over-compensates for what he doesn’t have, and this is his main issue with women. He has certainly gotten better, over the years, and learned a lot about how to attract women, but I still see him making the same mistakes over and over again. He ruins relationships by being too nice. Women do not want a man who treats them like their mother, they want a man who treats them like a woman. A man who can stand up to them and be their equal: a partner in life. My friend puts every single woman he meets, on a gigantic pedestal, and becomes more like a servant to them, rather than a spouse. He tries to make up for a few insecurities he has, thinking that if he buys them things, and allows them to have everything he has, that they will love him.
This is the worst approach when it comes to meeting women. He skips the attraction phase completely, the biggest part of the entire equation, and goes right to the comfort phase when it comes to women. So all his relationships are bound to fail. It’s like building a house without laying down the foundation. My buddy makes a connection with a woman, only his connection is insincere, and it encompasses only him trying to please her, not each trying to please one another. He goes right to the comfort phase, and although the woman lacks attraction for him, she stays with him, and basically uses him for the resources that he has. It happens time and time again. His relationships will last a little while, and then when the woman has used up all his resources, i.e. money, time, work, etc. she leaves him, and seeks a true relationship, with someone else. A relationship where she can be complete, and a relationship were she is attracted to her partner, not one where she is using her partner.
So if you’re reading this my friend, try to find that balance within yourself. Try to find that true self-confidence deep inside you, which is awaiting you. You have it already; you just have to summon it. Being too nice and needy at first to women is not the answer. Being too mean at first is not the answer either. Being a true gentleman, and becoming the man you really are is the answer. Just be honest with yourself, don’t try to be someone you’re not.
If you have any tips for helping needy men out leave a comment below! Or if you are a needy man, sign up for my dating newsletter now and learn how to overcome these issues for good! Sign Up Now!