We are taught for the majority of our lives to not show interest in someone of the opposite sex that we’re attracted to. As if doing so can result in some sort of social backlash against us.
It starts early on. Even at a very young age we are told not to let a girl know we like her. Doing so can and will backfire! So instead we play it cool. We pretend that we’re not attracted to the girl we secretly love. We pretend we don’t like hanging out with her. We pretend we don’t enjoy chatting with her. And we even go so far as to pretend we don’t even like her, maybe even pretend that we hate her! (Think of a male-version of Helga Pataki here from Hey Arnold.)
But why? It doesn’t work. It never has and it really never will. I understand the whole concept, trust me. You DO NOT want to show too much interest in a girl you’ve just met. This only demonstrates neediness on your part. It’s usually best to feign the amount of actual interest at first, and to avoid looking needy. This I thoroughly understand. However, to avoid things like complimenting a woman in an attempt to completely fake the depth of your affection for her is just plain crazy!
Complimenting a woman, when genuine, is one of the best things you can do! Not only does it NOT make you look needy, but it demonstrates an unbelievable amount of confidence! Not too many guys can pull off a compliment like “You look very pretty” or “I love your eyes” or “You have a beautiful smile”.
To the guys who can, I compliment you.
These are probably the same guys who never listened to everyone else when everyone was telling them not to let girls know you like them. Instead they probably complimented girls and asked them out, and let them know right away that they fancied them. And it most likely worked back then and still works for them now.
What happens many times when we pretend to not like a woman…is that the woman ends up believing us! We pretend to not be interested and pretend to not really care, and the woman actually falls for this ploy and she moves onto someone else. It happens all too often. (It’s not just a guy thing either, women play this same game, and it backfires on them as well.)
Instead of doing this though, we should start being more open about our feelings for the person we are attracted to. There is nothing wrong with letting someone know you like them and are interested in getting to know them on a deeper level. Complimenting them, asking them for their phone number, telling them that you two should get together sometime and following up on all of these things is perfectly okay. If you do none of these things, your relationship, whatever it may be, will remain as it is.
You have to take that first step, and that first step is letting that person you like, know that you actually like them! No more games, no more acting. Just be honest and start showing them that you’re interested.
With that said, do not get lost with these words. Don’t take it too far and start being too honest and letting that person know everything you think and feel, because that kind of information will get you in trouble and will backfire! There remains a fine line with many things and this is no exception.
If she can’t hang out with you right away or says “No” initially, be okay with that. Just because it doesn’t go your way at first, it doesn’t mean it won’t later down the road. This is part of the game. You have to be able to keep your composure and keep being yourself. Letting things like this affect you is not good for yourself and not good for your chances with her later on. If you can keep your composure however she will appreciate it and will know you are a confident and secure guy.
If she doesn’t respond well to the compliments, which should be genuine, cut back on them. It’s all about calibration and knowing when to say things and when not to. Some women don’t take well to being complimented, so just see how she reacts at first.
If she doesn’t want to give you her phone number right away, be okay with this too. It doesn’t mean you will never get it, it just means not now. So again be patient and keep your cool if something like this happens.
Just because you demonstrate that you’re interested, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you will be successful with a woman you like. It just means that you are taking that first step and giving yourself a shot. Women will like you or they won’t. By showing interest in them you won’t really be able to change this. However, you will be giving yourself a shot and opening the door for a potential relationship. And this is usually all it takes.
So don’t be afraid to show a woman you like you’re interested. It is the best first step to take in potentially creating something special with her!
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Just what I needed to read. I’ve been seeing this girl almost every Sunday now and we’ll have a great time. But then the week comes and neither of us take any initiative to really communicating, it’s just short boring textd here and there. I intentionally do this because I don’t want to look like I like her more than she likes me and I’m trying to increase my value through scarcity. But lately it’s been feeling weird. It’s like she knows she won’t hear much from me so she doesn’t bother either. It feels empty and not natural. So I started rethinking everything tonight. I thought what if I making her think I’m not really interested in her? In my younger days I used to call a girl I liked all the time and it seemed to work. Playing it cool does just that, it keeps thing cool between you and the woman you like. I realized that I need to talk to her more and warm things up. Damn I’m such an ass. Hopefully someone else hasn’t moved in on her yet by doing what I should have been doing all along.