The following article is written by our friend Mark Lambert, the founder and head dating coach of Seduce With Personality.
When getting to know a woman many guys turn into becoming the nicest version of themselves, making women gifts, always agreeing with her on any level, and being reluctant to do anything that could give her a bad picture about them.
Ever been in such a situation?
You meet a new girl, you are all excited for more to happen between the two of you, and all you want to do is make sure that she discovers your chocolate (sweet, nice guy) side.
Of course you have.
But here’s why you will dramatically reduce your chances with her if you focus on your chocolate side…
A psychological phenomenom of human nature that can be your best friend or worst enemy
Have you ever met a girl you knew that was with a guy you could not stand? Not because you liked the girl and wanted to be with her all by yourself but because the guy was not treating her well?
I’m sure you have.
Well, if you take a closer look around you and observe the relationships in your circle, you will find that there are several girls with guys who do not lay their chocolate side on them.
Did you ever wonder why these women are with a guy who is not…let’s call it…nice? Or do you think maybe he was nice to her before they got together and once they were a couple he released his other side? Obviously this may apply to some cases, but for the vast majority it does not.
In just a moment I will explain to you what the real reason behind this is, so keep reading. Yet, before, I need to explain to you a phenomenon of human nature that will help you understand many situations with girls in your life, whether they have worked out or not.
We humans are benefit driven and proprietorial. Some more, some less, but the moment a chance presents itself to us AND we know that we can NOT get it easily or at all, we desire to possess it! Just think of the new girlfriend of your neighbor or a close friend, who wanted to be with you some months before, but who you never really found attractive. But now that he’s with her, your tempted to reconsider…
Now why is that?
Did anything change about her? Did she get better in any way?
Of course not.
You just realized that you cannot have her so easily anymore, so now you desire to get her.
Now, what does all of this have to do with not trying to please a woman you like?
If you pull out your best behavior (trying to be too nice), you are very likely to communicate to her with your overall appearance that you want to be with her, but not in the cool and fun way, instead in a way that communicates in her mind I can easily have him if I want to.
And what that means is that you are on the exact opposite side of the phenomenon I just described above. The girl will not have any desire to be with you, because you are just too easy to get and she senses no urge to be with you.
Attraction isn’t affection
Most guys focus on the affection side in a woman. They want a woman to like them. So they do all the things which our mothers, television, and all those romance novels tell us to do: Try to be on your best behavior, compliment her, and act submissive enough so eventually she will reward you with love.
The truth is if you do all that, some women may actually think you are a sweet and nice guy. The bad news though is that they will never want to be with you, because again, they don’t feel an urge to do so. And most other women will just think of you as annoying and clingy and not a real man.
Pulling out your best behavior and trying to please a woman are strategies to trigger her affection for you. However, affection is secondary when it comes to making a woman want you.
Attraction on the other hand is the feeling we sense when we desire something, and many times against any logic. We just feel the urge to have it, so we want it. Whether you show your chocolate (sweet, nice guy) side or not, doesn’t really matter, but what does matter, is this urge.
Be yourself – not your better Ego
On another note, what many guys don’t realize when trying to please women and pulling off their best behavior, is that they come across as exhausting to hang around with. If you try not to make any mistake and wisely choose every word you say and action you do, you are very likely to come across as fake.
Naturality and authenticity are key!
Women simply love guys who don’t care about what others think about them and are not ashamed of communicating their interests, their desires and their true character. I have a friend, who never lies to a woman and never tries to pull off his chocolate side, but instead shows who he is and stands by all his vices, and women feel attracted to him like hell!
Why does it work?
It works because he is not trying to please anyone. Instead he is fully himself and by doing this he is not giving her the picture of being easy to get, but at the same time trying to get her. So he presents himself as a chance to her, and where it’s not in her hand to be with him. And this creates a certain appeal, which makes her desire him.
All he does is use his true character when it comes to communicating with women.
I hope I gave you a little insight today, and I hope you will consider being your true self and not trying to please women going forward!
Mark is an ordinary and regular guy, even by his own admission. But the insights he has about dating and relationships are anything but that. Please check out his website SeduceWithPersonality.com and let us know what you think! We’re sure you will like it.