Check out my newest and FINAL dating advice book for men Approaching Women: A step-by-step guide to getting more dates.
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Below is a sneak peak at the book and also the first few chapters completely FREE! Check it out now!
Is This Book Right For You?
Who Should And Should Not Read This – 11
High School Homecoming – 16
What Is Approaching? – 23
The Best Ways To Approach – 28
A Third Method Of Approaching? – 34
A History Of Approaching Women – 40
How One Book Changed Everything – 45
My Approach To Approaching – 51
How I Approach – 57
How I Approach, Continued – 69
Everyday Openers – 76
Dealing With Rejection – 86
Getting In “The Zone” – 94
Figuring Out Your Goals – 100
The Types Of Women Out There – 105
A Woman’s Perspective On Meeting Men – 114
What Not To Do – 119
Charisma Is King – 127
The 10,000 Hour Rule – 133
Eliminating Approach Anxiety – 138
Why Online Dating Will Help With Approaching – 145
Why You Will Suck . . . At First! – 151
Working With A Wingman – 155
Picking The Right Approach – 160
Becoming A Pick-Up Zombie – 164
Handling More Than One At A Time – 169
Warm Approaches – 176
Mastering The Approach – 181
Not Trying In Life – 187
What To Say After The Approach – 192
Having Good Conversations With Women – 197
Catcalls vs. Approaches – 204
Beyond The Numbers – 209
Is This Book Right For You?
Who Should And Should Not Read This
Let me first say that I am not the best at approaching women. In fact I am not even great at approaching women. And to top it off, I really don’t enjoy approaching women all the time, like some dating coaches and pick-up artists do.
You see, I’m just a regular, average guy. I’m not super outgoing or exceptionally charismatic (I’m definitely an introvert, as you may know by now). I’m actually quite mellow and down-to-earth, like most other men. In fact, I’ve found that it’s really quite rare to find guys (or even girls) who are incredibly outgoing. Most people, are actually more like me.
This of course means you probably are as well.
If you’re not, I do apologize, but perhaps my teachings won’t resonate as much with you. Not to say you won’t learn anything, but to be quite honest, my approach in teaching men and women the intricacies of dating is geared mostly toward this group of people. I help mostly average people, with personalities similar to mine. There are other great coaches who are more outgoing, loud, charismatic, and extroverted, but that’s not me, or my style.
I don’t enjoy loud places. I’m not a big fan of being the center of attention. I don’t like wasting my time and going to places and doing activities that I don’t enjoy. I do love hanging out with friends and going to the bar occasionally, but I’m not a huge fan of meeting women there. This has never been my style. Instead, I love my peace and quiet. I love chatting with friends over dinner or hanging with a beautiful woman at the movies, and even reading a great book. This is my life, and I choose to do things that make me happy.
You can call me a nerd and it doesn’t bother me.
I love being an intellectual and learning all sorts of new things. Among other interests, I love history, science, and technology. Whatever random topic piques my interest at any given time becomes a subject I love and want to learn everything about. It’s great, because I truly feel like this is one of the most important functions of humans: To live and learn about as many things as possible in life.
With that said, now that you know a bit more about me, I would like to tell you, the reader, exactly who this book will benefit and why.
This book will help all people looking to improve their dating lives. It’s for the average guy who doesn’t like approaching women and doesn’t know what to say when he finally does. It’s for all those lonely guys (like my old former self) who need to get their asses in dating shape and find a woman.
This book will help the guys who need the most help: great guys, who just don’t know where to start when it comes to finding a great woman. There are so many great women out there, and I’m sure you see them all the time when you go out and about in your city or town. But up until now you probably had no idea what to do. If this is you, then this book will help you.
Trust me, this book will tell you exactly how to get your dating life in check and start meeting and dating women right away!
It’s not a magic pill, and you won’t be sleeping with thousands of women after reading this. You won’t get laid just from reading this, so don’t think that either. It takes a lot of work and a lot of effort to actually get to that point. But if you feel like you can take the time and actually implement some of the teachings in here, then I guarantee you will be successful with women. I promise that your dating life will be greatly improved and you will be meeting a lot more women if you put what I have to say into practice.
I can’t do anything for you other than tell you what I’ve seen work: with some of the best dating coaches in the world (who have taught me), with students of mine (that I’ve coached personally), and with me (once I decided to change my life and get this area down pat).
Like I said, I’m not really outgoing and I don’t have a naturally charismatic personality, but I’ve learned over the years that this can be developed. You don’t have to always be introverted and quiet for 24 hours every day, even if this is your type of personality. No, you can actually learn to become quite extroverted and outgoing when you have to be. It’s a skill, like anything else, and one you can learn and harness whenever you need to.
I’ve learned how to turn on a sort of switch when I talk to women, and I become outgoing and charismatic in that short period of time when I communicate with them. I allow myself (even though I may not be 100 percent, naturally comfortable doing this) to open up and be a certain way. And this way happens to be a way that women love, and this is what I will teach you.
I used to be very lonely and depressed. I had no friends, sat at home all the time, and never had any girlfriends. I was introverted and I let this take hold of my life. I knew I liked my time alone, but I wanted to spend some of my time with others. I didn’t want to always be alone, and this made me feel so lonely and unhappy.
If this sounds like you, I know exactly how you feel. It can be so tough to take that first step and actually make a change. Sometimes it takes something major to give you that initial push (as in my case, when I was dumped by a girl I really liked) and to give you a tough wake-up call. But why wait?
Why wait around, lonely, depressed, and unhappy? That’s no way to go through life. Take your life by the reins and steer it in the direction you want to go! Don’t waste your life being miserable. If you know you want to start dating women, if you know you want to have sex with women, if you know you want to find the love of your life and get married . . . start today and make a change. Take that first step and fix this area of your life!
I would presume that there is nothing more important in life than finding love. Loving someone and being loved back, in my belief, is life’s greatest gift.
If you are a regular guy like me, who wants to start meeting and dating women, and ultimately is searching for life’s ultimate gift, then this book is for you. Keep reading and enjoy the lines from here on!
High School Homecoming
It was the fall of 2006 and I was standing in the corner of my high school auditorium, alone and uneasy. It was right in the middle of my school’s Homecoming Dance, a time when everyone around me seemed to be having a blast. There were guys and girls everywhere I looked—laughing, dancing, singing, and enjoying themselves. I, however, stood in the back of the crowd, just watching . . . and hoping—no, praying—that some girl would come up to me and ask me to dance.
I could not possibly go up to any girl by myself and actually ask her to dance; I just didn’t possess that kind of confidence. In fact, I was so devastatingly shy, I felt nervous just having gone to the dance in the first place. I’d only gone at the behest of one of my classmates, who’d convinced me that we’d have a great time. He said there would be girls all over the place, and that we were going to get laid without a doubt.
I entered the dance with him, and even felt excited for a few brief moments when I saw how many girls there actually were. I got even more excited when a girl came walking up to us just a couple of minutes after we came in. But this thrill soon faded when she grabbed my pal and disappeared with him into the throng of already dancing students, leaving me alone and with no one to talk to.
And that is where I stayed for the remainder of the night. I didn’t have the guts to even wander off on my own. I just remained in that same spot, frozen in time, because I felt so uncomfortable walking around by myself. I thought just hiding off in my little corner of the room was the safest choice.
While watching everyone have a good time, bored, sad, and anxious as I was, I noticed another guy who also seemed to be alone. I’d never seen this fellow before, but we must have been in the same grade, as some of the other people I knew would occasionally wave at him, or briefly nod their heads in passive recognition. But no one bothered to really talk to him, or otherwise seem to want to spend any time with him. He caught my particular attention, however, because he was doing the one thing that I wished I was doing: going up to girls and asking them to dance.
He looked like Beavis from Beavis and Butt-Head, only less appealing, and a little chubbier. He was dressed very nicely, however, and had a very slick and perfectly fitting suit. He also had cool, fresh-cut hair, and a clean-cut and shaven face. He carried himself around the floor with a very confident strut. In fact, it was overly confident, and too exaggerated to be genuine. But God help the guy, he was trying—which was a lot more than I could say about myself.
He tried everything and was relentless in his attempts to dance with girls. He must have asked every single one of the 300 girls in the place if they wanted to dance with him. Unfortunately, not one of them gave in. He was like an unwanted guest at a dinner party. Girl after girl just completely blew the guy off. I started off watching him with both envy and resentment, wanting nothing more than to see him fail (because he was doing what I only dreamed of doing). I even relished watching him get rejected, too . . . at first. I took pleasure in it as the first few girls totally dismissed him and looked down upon him as if he were nothing more than a dog. However, after watching this poor, unsuccessful young man for a while, my feelings slowly started to change.
My jealousy shifted into pity. I felt bad for the guy, who must have spent a lot of effort and time (not to mention money) on dressing up and getting ready for the dance that night. It was clear by his set of clothes and by his outfit that he took this dance very seriously. He’d probably prepared for weeks, if not months, in advance for this night, and sadly it was becoming a nightmare for him. I could tell as time passed and as he continued to be turned down, by one girl after the other, that he was getting sad. His overconfident demeanor was expelling from his body like a deflating balloon.
He soon stopped walking up to girls with his chest sticking out and his huge, embellished grin, and started approaching them instead with his head down and with a slight, dejected frown across his face. He was already turning his feet around, in preparation of a swifter exit, in anticipation of the girl saying, “No”—even before he’d finished asking, “Do you want to dance?”
By this point, he was nearly down for the count.
And, a short time later, the towel was thrown in. He gave up completely on his efforts that night, and ended up walking over to where I was standing. In some ways I felt relieved. I was actually happy when he gave up, not because I was still jealous of his courage to at least try where I didn’t have the guts to, but because I felt like it was necessary. I felt like he was going to go on all night, and just keep torturing himself and making himself feel worse and worse. It was like a horrific car crash. I couldn’t keep my eyes off the poor guy, but it was still hard to watch and unsettling to the stomach.
As it turns out, Beavis walked right over to where I was standing and stood only a foot or so away, next to me. We stood there together as one (a pair of lonely losers) for that moment—both alone inside and miserable, yearning for companionship.
He had tried his best all night to find someone, anyone, who would want to be with him, but hadn’t. I had just stood there, hoping and praying in my mind for the exact same thing.
After a few moments of silence I asked him a question, trying to break the ice (and trying to show him how cool I was). It was something like, “Hey, I saw you going up to all those girls earlier. Why didn’t you just stand back and play it cool?”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“You know, just stand back like me, and let girls come to you, instead of chasing them around all night.”
“Why the hell would I do that?” he replied, in a sort of snappy, leave-me-alone, kind of tone.
“Because you’ve been getting turned-down all night, and it just doesn’t seem to be working, that’s all.”
“Well, genius,” he snarled. “It doesn’t look like you’re having any luck tonight, either! Why don’t you mind your own business before you give me any advice about girls, asshole!” And he stormed off.
I was in complete shock. There I was, simply trying to make small-talk with this guy, and maybe even connect with the poor fellow, who’d clearly been beaten up and broken down by a great number of girls that night. And that’s how he repays me? There was something seriously wrong with him!
Looking back now, years later, and years after discovering The Dating Community, becoming a dating coach, and building a successful dating life for myself, I realize that there was nothing at all wrong with Beavis. In fact, it was me who had something seriously wrong with him.
Not having the slightest bit of social intelligence, and no idea how to strike up any sort of conversation, even with a guy my own age, I had managed to throw salt on the wounds of an already badly wounded animal; that chubby, yet clean-cut young man, who just happened to resemble a cartoon character! And I don’t blame him now at all for bursting out on me and storming off.
You see, I didn’t want to admit it at the time (perhaps that’s why I tried to sell my passive position, of standing back and waiting for girls to come to me, to Beavis), but I was, in a way, exactly like Beavis. He and I were the only two people that night who were truly lonely. He and I were the only two individuals at the dance with absolutely no game. But we both thought we knew it all.
He thought he had game because he aimlessly approached girl after girl. I thought I had game because, like a lot of guys, I was good at standing back and pretending to be cool. But we both were hopeless in our efforts. He was definitely bolder than I was, and I wished I had some of his audacity, but he just didn’t know what he was doing. And he was right when he told me to mind my own business, because I too had zero clue about what I was doing.
I had absolutely no business trying to tell him what to do, because I had absolutely no idea myself. My social life and dating life in high school had been a complete disaster. I was shy, depressed, anxious, and lonely throughout my high school years. Perhaps Beavis was the same.
Thankfully, I ended up relearning and developing my natural game (the innate game that I, like every other man on the planet, was born with), and then taking it to new levels. I no longer sit back shy or anxious, trying to look cool. Instead, I’m more proactive like Beavis was, but with much more success. If I see a woman to whom I’m attracted, I go right up to her and start talking to her. I’ve learned over the years how to create natural, organic conversations—and then connections—with women who are complete strangers.
I write this book now to help guys like me (or the way I used to be) and Beavis—who, like him, though appearing overconfident and cocky, are actually usually great guys. They just put on a façade that makes them appear arrogant. However, they generally just have a low self-esteem and try to over-compensate for that. These men need and deserve just as much help as anyone else.
Men, who are like I was in high school—really shy, quiet, and self-conscious—need the most help to get out of their shells and start being social; especially with the opposite sex. It takes a stronger push to get them going, but this is where I can help. Being a former shy guy and master introvert myself, I have learned through the years exactly what it takes to overcome this attitude.
I write Approaching Women to give men a go-to-guide for approaching and meeting women. It’s not easy for anyone, and it’s especially tough for those with a low self-esteem, or who are shy. But by reading this book all men can get really good and practical advice on how to do it. I urge you to not only read each section, but also to implement the ideas within every one.
Going out and trying for yourself is the best way to learn. As humans we learn much more by doing something ourselves rather than listening or watching others do something. So please take the first step and approach this book with an open mind, but then take the next step . . . and actually start approaching women!
What Is Approaching?
Get the book ya’ bum! 🙂